Divorce from the perspective of the child:
I am a 14 year old girl. Recently, when I was 13, in February of 2014, my parents separated. They still aren't divorced today, in November 2014, but they're never getting back together (like the Taylor Swift song...). The only thing stopping them from divorcing is finances.
They were married for 20 years. My dad was my mom's first love. I am also an only child. When I was younger, I could never ever imagine my parents getting divorced.
Divorce sucks. Divorce really sucks. I'm still not over it. I was mad, and incredibly sad. I cried so so much in those first few days. My parents were fighting for a long time before my mom moved out, yet I still thought it wouldn't happen. My mom is happy. This divorce did everything to help her. My dad is not so happy. He cried more than I've ever seen him cry in my life. It was horrible.
I don't know where I'm going with this post but just please, if you have kids and are considering divorce, I'm not telling you not to, but just think of them, and your spouse. Remember to not just think of yourself. Try your hardest to work things out. Just try.
I love you all.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Friday, November 14, 2014
Cat-calling
First of all, no matter what you might think, cat-calling is not a compliment.
I used to think that cat-calling was a compliment too, I'll admit, and that's just sad. The very first time I got cat-called, which, I'll admit, was not very long ago, I was flattered. I have never been in a relationship, and I have fairly low self esteem. Pretty much, I'm pretty desperate for a boyfriend. The first time I got cat-called, I was under the impression that no boy or man could ever be attracted to me in any way. So, it was a huge surprise that someone could actually think I was attractive, so, I was flattered. I was walking down the street with my dad, me wearing a tank top and shorts, when this car drives by, and I hear a wolf whistle come out of the window.
The car kept on driving past, and I never even saw who it was.
My dad was proud. He was proud that that was the first time a boy had whistled at me. And that makes me sick. My dad is a good person, and he's overall a liberal democrat, but in some ways he's still a little bit conservative.
Later that day I straight up asked him ¨How was I supposed to take that? Was I supposed to be flattered or offended?¨ He responded with ¨A little bit of both¨. I disagree with him entirely.
I have been cat-called multiple times since then, and each time, I still felt flattered. I don't know if I'll ever not feel flattered, but it's something that I want to change. I don't want to be flattered. I don't want to live in a world where 20-something men yelling slurred words out of a car window to 14 year old girls is considered a compliment.
It's harassment. It is in no way acceptable, and I want to work towards a world where people understand that. I want to work towards a world where young girls, like me, are not happy to be harassed.
What's worse is that since winter has come and I've stopped wearing shorts, I have not been cat-called once. This shows how they were simply treating me this way because my legs were exposed, because I was wearing temperature appropriate clothing. This shows that I was being treated as a sexual object. Not even me - just my legs. My legs, as soon as they are covered up, are no longer an object of interest. My legs are not something for your viewing pleasure. My legs are not a sex object.
I am not a sex object, and neither are you. Remember that.
Cat-calling is not a compliment.
I used to think that cat-calling was a compliment too, I'll admit, and that's just sad. The very first time I got cat-called, which, I'll admit, was not very long ago, I was flattered. I have never been in a relationship, and I have fairly low self esteem. Pretty much, I'm pretty desperate for a boyfriend. The first time I got cat-called, I was under the impression that no boy or man could ever be attracted to me in any way. So, it was a huge surprise that someone could actually think I was attractive, so, I was flattered. I was walking down the street with my dad, me wearing a tank top and shorts, when this car drives by, and I hear a wolf whistle come out of the window.
The car kept on driving past, and I never even saw who it was.
My dad was proud. He was proud that that was the first time a boy had whistled at me. And that makes me sick. My dad is a good person, and he's overall a liberal democrat, but in some ways he's still a little bit conservative.
Later that day I straight up asked him ¨How was I supposed to take that? Was I supposed to be flattered or offended?¨ He responded with ¨A little bit of both¨. I disagree with him entirely.
I have been cat-called multiple times since then, and each time, I still felt flattered. I don't know if I'll ever not feel flattered, but it's something that I want to change. I don't want to be flattered. I don't want to live in a world where 20-something men yelling slurred words out of a car window to 14 year old girls is considered a compliment.
It's harassment. It is in no way acceptable, and I want to work towards a world where people understand that. I want to work towards a world where young girls, like me, are not happy to be harassed.
What's worse is that since winter has come and I've stopped wearing shorts, I have not been cat-called once. This shows how they were simply treating me this way because my legs were exposed, because I was wearing temperature appropriate clothing. This shows that I was being treated as a sexual object. Not even me - just my legs. My legs, as soon as they are covered up, are no longer an object of interest. My legs are not something for your viewing pleasure. My legs are not a sex object.
I am not a sex object, and neither are you. Remember that.
Cat-calling is not a compliment.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Fall Photos
I'm shitty at taking pictures, but I try. Here's some of my attempts of taking some Autumnal pictures.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
One thing that Im good at is living vicariously through people. Mostly YouTubers. I watch their videos, and wish I was them. Pretend Im them, even though I know Im not. Iĺl try and act like them, put on their accents, wear clothes like them. Try and make my room look like theirs. But I never quite do it right, especially with the room thing (my room is still a mess). I want to be like them, I want to be with them, I want to be them. And I know that I cant be them. I know I have to make my own life my own, and make it amazing. I know I have to make the best of what I have, but its hard. Its hard when youŕe still in school and feel like you cant do anything. You dont have any time, its all devoted to learning. And learning is valuable, and for some people school is valuable, but I just dont want to be in school anymore. I know that people have died, fighting for the right to go to school, and that makes me feel very guilty. I feel like I should be more grateful that I have an education, but Im not. I mean, I am. Im grateful, but at the same time I just want to get out of it. I want to be done with High School. I dont want to go to college or university, but at the same time I do. To please my parents. To get a job. But then that means another four years of school. I know that one day Iĺl look back, and realize its all over, and Iĺl wish that I had appreciated my high school times more. But right now, I just want out.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Halloween
So, today is Halloween.
Its 5:40pm, and Im sitting at home, in leggings and an oversized sweater, with the news on the television next to me, typing this. Most of my friends are dressed up, at a party, on their way to a party, or at least going to a party pretty soon. They are at least going trick or treating with their younger siblings. Me, being a 14 year old only child, I have no sibling to trick or treat with. So, instead, Im the one handing out candy to kids.
I wanted to go to some sort of party. I wanted to at least hang out with my friends, or trick or treat with them, even if weŕe conisdered ẗoo old¨ (which, in my opinion, is bullshit), but nothing ever happened. I have very few friends, and by the the time that I remembered that I should probably do something on Halloween, I figured that everyone had already made plans, so I didnt even bother to ask my friends.
Now, even though I sound like Im complaining, Im not really. I do feel kind of pathetic sitting here at home, but honestly, Im an introvert, and a huge homebody, who would, at most time, honestly rather stay at home. I went to homecoming last Friday, which was supposed to Halloween themed, but really it was just a hug mosh pit of sweaty teens grinding against each other. And while it was fun at first, I soon got sick of it. But I kept on dancing, and just pretended like I was having fun, even if my feet hurt and I really just wanted to go home. In my mind, thats enough socializing for one month. With this attitude, Im never gonna get a boyfriend.
Speaking of which, Ive never had a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) and I literally feel like Ím the only one whos never had one. And I know, Im not actually the only one, but I sure as hell feel like I am. Im just praying to have had my first kiss before I graduate high school.
Anyway, Ill get in to that some other time.
Good night my loves,
Mercy
Its 5:40pm, and Im sitting at home, in leggings and an oversized sweater, with the news on the television next to me, typing this. Most of my friends are dressed up, at a party, on their way to a party, or at least going to a party pretty soon. They are at least going trick or treating with their younger siblings. Me, being a 14 year old only child, I have no sibling to trick or treat with. So, instead, Im the one handing out candy to kids.
I wanted to go to some sort of party. I wanted to at least hang out with my friends, or trick or treat with them, even if weŕe conisdered ẗoo old¨ (which, in my opinion, is bullshit), but nothing ever happened. I have very few friends, and by the the time that I remembered that I should probably do something on Halloween, I figured that everyone had already made plans, so I didnt even bother to ask my friends.
Now, even though I sound like Im complaining, Im not really. I do feel kind of pathetic sitting here at home, but honestly, Im an introvert, and a huge homebody, who would, at most time, honestly rather stay at home. I went to homecoming last Friday, which was supposed to Halloween themed, but really it was just a hug mosh pit of sweaty teens grinding against each other. And while it was fun at first, I soon got sick of it. But I kept on dancing, and just pretended like I was having fun, even if my feet hurt and I really just wanted to go home. In my mind, thats enough socializing for one month. With this attitude, Im never gonna get a boyfriend.
Speaking of which, Ive never had a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) and I literally feel like Ím the only one whos never had one. And I know, Im not actually the only one, but I sure as hell feel like I am. Im just praying to have had my first kiss before I graduate high school.
Anyway, Ill get in to that some other time.
Good night my loves,
Mercy
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Complaining
Hello my loves, I am back.
It's 8pm, and my dad is already asleep, which astounds me.
So, tomorrow is Halloween, and I'm doing nothing. I will literally be sitting at home, probably watching the Simpsons Halloween special. That's how lame I am. This is the first Halloween that I've had nothing to do. Every Halloween before this I've at least gone to something, but not this year. I feel like this embodies my social life so far this school year: nonexistent.
I went to the same school from 2nd grade to 8th grade, with pretty much the same 25 people the entire time, and this year I was thrown in to a gigantic high school, only knowing two people. I, in nature, am an introvert, and suck at making friends. Therefore, I pretty much haven't made any friends. I already knew two people, so the only "friends" I have are my two friends friends, and they're not exactly my friends, they're more just my acquaintances.
One thing that sucks is how damn expensive hair die is. Currently my hair is a faded blue, with noticeable brown roots. It started out a gorgeous, vibrant, deep blue but it's just gone downhill from there. I love having different colored hair, but its hard to maintain, and I don't think my parents would be willing to die it another color, because I suck at saving money so I can't afford to pay for it myself, and my current color is getting gross fast, so I've either got to use their money to die it back to brown, and keep it that way, or use my nonexistent money to die it another color. I would save money and die it with my own money, but there just isn't enough time, because I need to die it soon. And I'm not ready to die it back brown. I'm known as the "blue haired girl" at my school (even though there's other kids with blue hair, I don't know how I was the one fortunate enough to get that title) and it's almost like its a part of my identity now. If I die it back brown, I'm just gonna blend in to the crowd. I'm very unnoticeable in general, so I need to have something, other than my horrendous face, for people to identify my by.
So yes, those are my dilemmas of the day.
I hope you enjoy this little page of me whining about my life, now go have a happy day and a Happy Halloween.
Mercy
It's 8pm, and my dad is already asleep, which astounds me.
So, tomorrow is Halloween, and I'm doing nothing. I will literally be sitting at home, probably watching the Simpsons Halloween special. That's how lame I am. This is the first Halloween that I've had nothing to do. Every Halloween before this I've at least gone to something, but not this year. I feel like this embodies my social life so far this school year: nonexistent.
I went to the same school from 2nd grade to 8th grade, with pretty much the same 25 people the entire time, and this year I was thrown in to a gigantic high school, only knowing two people. I, in nature, am an introvert, and suck at making friends. Therefore, I pretty much haven't made any friends. I already knew two people, so the only "friends" I have are my two friends friends, and they're not exactly my friends, they're more just my acquaintances.
One thing that sucks is how damn expensive hair die is. Currently my hair is a faded blue, with noticeable brown roots. It started out a gorgeous, vibrant, deep blue but it's just gone downhill from there. I love having different colored hair, but its hard to maintain, and I don't think my parents would be willing to die it another color, because I suck at saving money so I can't afford to pay for it myself, and my current color is getting gross fast, so I've either got to use their money to die it back to brown, and keep it that way, or use my nonexistent money to die it another color. I would save money and die it with my own money, but there just isn't enough time, because I need to die it soon. And I'm not ready to die it back brown. I'm known as the "blue haired girl" at my school (even though there's other kids with blue hair, I don't know how I was the one fortunate enough to get that title) and it's almost like its a part of my identity now. If I die it back brown, I'm just gonna blend in to the crowd. I'm very unnoticeable in general, so I need to have something, other than my horrendous face, for people to identify my by.
So yes, those are my dilemmas of the day.
I hope you enjoy this little page of me whining about my life, now go have a happy day and a Happy Halloween.
Mercy
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Welcome To My Blog
Hello everyone! My name is Mercy Calla. I am a 14 year old freshman in High School, and this blog was a creation of a bored sick day. This is a very spontaneous thing, so I honestly have no idea what I'll be putting on to this blog, but I hope that I, and you, have fun along the way. I hope everyone is having an amazing amazing day/night, and I'll see you in my next blog post, whatever that may be.
Mercy
Mercy
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